


Yurio's self

by thinksnake



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Background Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov - Freeform, Coming Out, Gen, M/M, Other, Supportive Lilia, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Viktor with a K, not enough love for Lilia, otayuri feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-15
Updated: 2017-02-06
Packaged: 2018-09-17 14:08:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9328211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thinksnake/pseuds/thinksnake
Summary: Yuri Plisetsky has come to a realisation after the GPF, and it's time to bite the bullet. Needs to know where sleeping at night.





	1. Where am I sleeping tonight?

"Alright, I need to go in and tell them now. Need to get this done. If they come out here, I don't know, stay with them? But if it's me then we'll..."

"Of course Yuratchka," Mila said as her colleague trailed off. She motioned to herself and Georgi, "We're here for you, regardless." Yuri went in.

Georgi seemed less concerned. "Is this really a big deal? Does it change all that much?"

"And I still don't know why Yuri thought _you_ were someone to speak to first," Mila replied with a chuckle. "Before Viktor and Yuuri even! I don't even know whether Nikolai has been told yet, and from everything I've heard about him, he's one of the most loving people ever."

~~~  
'Well, this goes either really well or really poorly. No way to tell now' Yuri was thinking as Yakov and Lilia sat down. Lilia was looking stoic as ever while Yakov wore his usual expression of mild frustration.

"Well, Yuri Plisetsky, you called us here. What is it you need to tell us now?" Lilia was no-nonsense.

"I, ah," Yuri was nervous. Now they were right there, it seemed even more daunting. How do you begin this kind of conversation, with two people so much senior? Who had such a strict view of who you are? "A few days after the Grand Prix Final, I think I, um, let down my guard? Maybe I was pushing myself so hard to win there, have been working so hard to get myself to this level, for years now, that..."

"Yuri!" Yakov this time. "You're babbling! Slow down." Lilia nodded to that.

"Um... yeah. I haven't had time to just sit down and think about myself, who _I_ am, outside of skating. And..." Yuri breathed deep, again trying to get thoughts into line. "I've been angrily declaring how I'm not a boy. But... maybe? I'm not a man? Am I... could I be. I'm a woman? I'm a woman."

And there it was. Yuri closed her eyes, not daring to look at their faces, waiting for the fall-out. If anything, that had come out even worse than she had rehearsed in her head, babbling, talking around the point. Georgi had somehow been simple, a straightforward declaration? Then with Mila, more tentative, but an immediate response of love and caring. For some time there was silence.

Then the sound of a chair being pushed back, she glanced up, Yakov had stood and was moving towards the front door. "I need to walk."

"Leave your phone!" Lilia suddenly barked out. "Any discussions need to happen first here." She was still looking straight at Yuri, the same stern gaze she used during training. Yakov grumbled, fished his phone from his coat pocket, and left it on the coffee table.

"Yuri." Lilia began, then suddenly halted. "Is that name acceptable? Is there another name you will use now?"

This... perhaps wasn't what Yuri had expected? The same tone of voice as when Lilia expected perfection, but in such a different context. "Um. Yuri for now? I haven't really thought about names yet"

"Well, should that change, let me know immediately, Yuri Plisestskaya. Yura, please look at me" Yuri let her hands fall, and was amazed by the naked affection on her choreographer's face. The same as had only ever been seen at the Final after breaking Viktor's record. And the feminine last name.Yuri hadn't realised what a simple change like that would mean to hear, a blessed relief.

Lilia continued. "Yura you are a beauty. I helped you find that on one level, but now you have shown another. And beauty must be protected. I have seen enough around the world to know that."

This was... amazing. Yuri hadn't known whether she would be kicked out, or have to spend the next forever explaining what different things meant. Being immediately unconditionally accepted by Lilia had never even occurred to her. "Have you told any others?"

"Mila and Georgi, they were waiting outside in case..."

"Ah. Yes, of course. You had no idea what reception you would get here. And I am sure Yakov has found them by now. Yura, if Yakov is a problem, then I will speak to him. If he needs to leave this house then he will. But I suspect he is mostly angry with himself for not seeing this coming, and found a way to have got you into the female Junior competitions. For all he thinks he knows his skaters, you all constantly find ways of surprising him.  
"I should find him now. Bring everyone in." She got up, and moved towards the door, then stopped. Looking over her shoulder, "Yuri, I will not insult you by lying to you. Russia is not safe for many right now, for anyone outside of what is decreed 'normal'. And the international sporting spotlight is harsh and often unforgiving. I do not know how you wish to proceed, or what the International Skating Union's position on trans skaters is." She looked concerned, an expression unfamiliar on her face. "I want the best for you. Never forget that."

On that note she went out the door, and Yuri could hear raised voices, suddenly quieted by Lilia's barked shout. She finally sat back, released a breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding, and smiled for the first time since winning gold.


	2. Further grounding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuri Plisetskaya and a number of short and not-so-short conversations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> decided to extend this. Short convos and frustrations (but not quite angst? I hope?). Otayuri feelings but nothing determined as of yet

"So...," Mari answered after Yuri's confession over the phone. "I think I'll need to talk with Yuuri about this, make sure I've got it right, my English might not be the best?"

"No! Mari no! I haven't told him yet!" Yuri was flustered, more than a bit of the usual rage coming through. "I'm getting to him later! When I work out how!"

"Well, okay then?" Mari was puzzled as to that. "I'll go along with that. But really, I can't see anything he or Viktor would have to say..."

"Just... not yet!"

~~~

"Yuratchka" her grandfather smiled deeply, and offered another pirozhki. "My darling granddaughter"

Yuri didn't think she'd ever felt so loved. Agape beyond anything before.

~~~

Mila bought dinner for Yuri after practice. Yuuri and Viktor had gone to a different restaurant, while Georgi had decided to try moving on from Anya again.

"So," Mila began. "What about Katsudon and Vitya?"

"Erg. I don't know." Yuri shook her head. "For some reason they seem harder to speak to? About this? All the talk of competing against me maybe."

"Fine, fine," Mila offered, seeing Yuri getting a bit worked up. "And what about Otabek?"

A squeal. Embarassment clear on Yuri's face. "Ah" A pause. "Otabek."

"You know, Otabek? The hero of Kazakhstan? The one who took you off on a motorbike trip? The one you proudly announced as your friend? That you've now got several posters of in your bedroom?"

"I know who Otabek is, hag!" Yuri yelled, startling the other diners. Then was quieter. "I mean I... sent him a message just before I told Georgi, saying I needed to sort some stuff out. Haven't spoken to him since."

"Yuri that was weeks ago! And he hasn't contacted you?"

"Well, he's never great at typing words out, he usually communicates through expressions and grumbles, and the time difference is just enough to make video chatting difficult to organise. I guess... Maybe I was blunt?"

"Oh Yuri. I know you're taking Worlds off but you'll still be travelling with the rest of us. He's surely getting into the final."

"Yeah it's... I have no idea what he might think? I don't know, I've looked online, I know there's always attacks on trans women as taking it easy by competing against 'real' women..."

"Ha!" Mila was laughing at that. "As if you would find it _easy_ to skate against me! And you've already won the Grand Prix! If anyone says anything like that they're lying." She continued laughing, and after a bit Yuri joined in. 

After a bit, Mila went on more seriously. "Yuri, if Otabek, if _anyone_ says anything like that, they don't deserve you. And yes, he might be confused for a bit, but he might well surprise us just as much as Lilia Baranovskaya.  
"And if he's shit, then he's dead to us all."

~~~

Lilia came to her bedroom door. "Yuri Plisetskaya, do you have time to talk?"

"Yes, what's going on?"

"Yura, I have done some reading. I don't know if you have considered hormone therapy. But many of the medications used are also prescribed to women of my age, for particular reasons. If... if it will be safer for you to have any prescriptions made out in my name, if that will protect you, then that is something I can offer. Please think about it."

~~~

After a few emails to work out a good time, Yuri was sitting in front of the computer, looking at Otabek's face.

"Otabek... Beka, there's something I need to tell you."


	3. approaching

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Viktor doesn't notice things. Yuuri does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For something I thought would be a one-shot I keep getting mroe ideas, so the story continues! Thank you for the kudos :D

Training was going well in the Russia-based team for the most part. Mila, Georgi, Viktor and Yuuri were extending their themes into the long program. Meanwhile, Yuri was beginning to think of concepts for the next season, partly to avoid thinking about the upcoming arguments she would need to have with the International Skating Union. 

She and Yakov had decided to hold off on any moves to change gendered competitions until the off-season so as to both give time to let important people know, and to be able to focus more on what they would need to present in hope of convincing the ISU to reassess their rules. They were both doing much reading up on similar precedents in other sporting competitions such as the Olympics, but a lot of it was far from encouraging. So, practice, since she knew she would still be able to do that well.

"Hey, Yurio!" Viktor suddenly yelled, from near the entrance to the rink. "You've got a letter, but someone made a mistake. They think you're a girl! Plisetskaya!"

And with that, everyone but Yuuri froze. 

Mila, Georgi, Yakov and Lilia all looked over at Yuri, seeing her quickly tense, then visibly force herself to skate over to the edge. Yuuri was fortunately running through a complicated step sequence and didn't show that he'd seen anything amiss.

"Oh, um, what a mistake! Can you put it in my locker?" Yuri's voice was somehow not breaking. But a long way from calm.

"Ah, I remember back when I had long hair, sometimes I got cards addressed to me as Nifikorovna. People are strange, yes?" Viktor was beaming as he followed Yuri's request. And Yuri sighed with relief that Viktor was a self-centred as always (well, when he wasn't piggy-centred), caught up in memories of his own past. Not noticing how everyone had haltingly returned to their own work.

~~~

Laughter at lunch, Mila and Georgi joining Yuri. "Viktor only really pays attention to you as a skater," Mila eventually got out after catching her breath. "You could probably wear a sign around your neck everywhere else, proclaiming yourself to the world, and he'd just wonder whether you'd get a cramp that would affect your balance!"

"Yeah." Yuri nodded. "I mean I nearly screamed at the time, but maybe next time I'll just laugh? See how often this happens? But I really shoud let Beka know not to send things like that through the post, too easy to get caught..."

"Ooh, you finally told Otabek?" Georgi was suddenly interested.

"Yeah, it was... nice? I think he's confused a fair bit but he said he would try his best, try to understand what's going on for me. And the name is a good start."

Mila looked at Yuri's face and grinned. "Do I... do I detect a hint of a blush there? How are _you_ feeling about Otabek then?"

Definitely blushing now. "No, I mean, uh," Yuri stuttered. "Um, I need to, go, yes." And took off. A distant scream of "Hag!" trailing after.

"Ahhh..." Georgi sat back smiling. "Love is all we need, yes?" Then suddenly sad. "It won't be like Anya?"

"Oh, Anya, Anya, Anya" Mila teased. "How many times do you need to learn she's not interested!"

~~~

As Yuri stormed into the rink, she ran straight into Yuuri, knocking them both down.

"Bah, out of the way, piggy!"

"Sorry Yurio!"

They both stood up. And stared at each other for a bit. Yuri then made to go past.

"Um, Yurio?"

"What!" she turned back to Yuuri.

"You've been... distant to Viktor and me lately. More than before. And now you're not doing Worlds? Is something wrong? Did one of us... do something?"

"No! Not that! I... need to find Lilia!" she started striding off again.

Then paused. "Katsudon, I can't talk now but... maybe tomorrow? After practice? Just you though. Not Viktor. Not yet." And off she went.


	4. Dinner with a near-parent

Yurio had been sitting in the restaurant for ten minutes before Yuuri finally got there, clearly running, knowing he was late.

"Sorry sorry Yurio! Viktor wanted to know what's happening and why he can't come along, and I didn't exactly know what to say, so it took a while to get him to just go home, and not have him think I'm angry and not make him sad or..." Yuuri trailed off,sweating and blushing.

He looked at Yurio. "Are you okay? Is this... not good? I wanted to be here earlier..."

"No,no, it's," Yuri mumbled. Every time this was as hard as the first, the struggle for words, especially after the day she had had in talks with Yakov and Lilia about the next few months. "Let's just order, you can catch your breath, then we'll talk."

They had settled on an Italian restaurant, recommended by Mila.

"So," Yuri began, then stopped.

Yuuri smiled in what he hoped was an encouraging manner. Yuri didn't seem angry at least, just a bit lost. Sad, perhaps? "So, Yurio, you wanted to say?"

"I have to take the next year off," coming out all at once.

"What! Why? the entire year? Not even defending your Grand Prix win?" Yuuri was truly confused, where was this coming from? Was Yuri sick? Some serious injury?

"At least a year," Yuri was speaking somewhat slower now. More deliberate. "Or that's what we think will work. It might have to be longer... there's an outside chance of less time. Or maybe it'll never happen, I won't get to compete again..."

"Yurio! Yuri! Are you sick? What's wrong? Should I call Yakov? Do you need to see a doctor?"

"No." And she looked up, straight into Katsudon's eyes. "I'm not sick. It's _not_ a sickness. _Not_ an injury. But I need to take this time off, to 'prove' that, well. To the ISU. To the Grand Prix. In time for the Olympics."

"Prove what? How can anyone say you've got anything to prove?"

"That I'm a _woman_."

Yuri by this point was glaring into Yuuri's eyes. Daring a challenge. Daring any response at all. Yuuri was somewhat lost, this was so far outside of what he had thought would go on tonight.

"You're..."

"A woman."

"You're a woman."

A curt nod.

"This is... what you've been talking about privately with Mila, and Yakov, and the others, when you thought Viktor and me weren't paying attention."

Another nod.

"Yuri... Yurio... I, don't?" Katsuki was flustered, and not sure where to begin. "You... didn't want to tell us? You..." then realisation. "You were scared of what we'd say." Yuuri broke the stare, nervous, staring at his plate.

"I don't know if scared is the right word," Yuri started, softly, the anger lessened but still evident. "Unsure perhaps? Overwhelmed? You two... you are so excited to be both competing, and always talking about us all ending up on the podium, and who in which place..."

To that, Katsuki raised his head. "You thought you were letting us down."

"... yeah."

"Oh. Oh Yuri. No. Never. Not that. I mean I... will need a bit of time to process this? It's a change, but you've clearly been working on everything." Yuuri smiled, a true, caring smile. "And thank you for telling me. Who else knows?"

"Most of who we are training alongside. Yakov, Lilia, Mila, Georgi. I think some of the juniors have worked it out but none have said anything? My grandfather. Otabek. Mari-chan."

"Wait, you told my sister and not me?"

"Ha! If you could see your face," Yuri grinned. Then sobered. "Partly, I suppose I wanted to see how, well, someone from Hasetsu might react? But someone who wasn't a risk of putting things on the net. No knowing if the triplets might listen in on a call to the rink, and your drunk ballet friend..."

Yuuri shuddered, smiling. "Yeah, I understand what you were thinking there."

Then he looked away again. "So, do you, want, me to talk to Viktor, or will you do that, or... I love him, I hope he would take things well, but..."

"Eh, not yet. Definitely not in public. Get his phone away from him for sure. I'll... let you know? May be good if you are there as well."

Yuuri nodded. "So... if you're taking a year off to convince the organisers, you'll need to..."

"Come out at large, yeah. That's... terrifying, really. Lilia's been in contact with friends around the world, finding other people who've done this... but most of them were already competing in the right gender to begin with. Another thing to transition in the middle. And maybe why I'm still hesitant about whether I'll get to come back at all."

"You do what you need to do." Yuuri was suddenly stern, confident. "But don't forget about us. We support you."

She smiled at that. "I know. I'm travelling with the Russian team to the Nationals, and Europe. Plus Worlds, regardless. May get to see Four Continents for you and Beka. I can talk to a few people at those, other skaters, some I have a good feeling about, but yeah. It's a big thing to have to do."

"Hey," Katsuki took hold of Yuri's hand, and smiled at her. "You can do this. We can do this. And thank you, again."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> have had stuff going on in meatspace so this took a while to get together. but hey it's here!


	5. And to round out Yakov's crew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally we get to Viktor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wanted to finish this story with Viktor. There may be a sequel series going further, more people outside of the close circle, and the world at large, but I'm not sure whether that'll happen yet.
> 
> This chapter will be a bit more of snippets of a longer conversation. Not all of it being written.

They all gathered together before Viktor arrived. Mila, Georgi, Yakov, Lilia, Yuuri and Yurio. Also Galina, a junior skater who had shyly approached Yuri the previous day to ask about it all, and then been enfolded in a hug for ten minutes by her happily crying senior. Otabek and Mari had been called

They sat around quietly, in various states of relax and stress. "So." Yuri said, but didn't continue.

"So how do you want to do this?" Yuuri asked, looking concerned. "Just you, or..?"

"Argh, I don't know, I don't even know why it's so hard to talk to Viktor about this. After all of you even. He more than half treats me like his child!"

Lilia spoke up. "That may be part of it. Talking to a parent. And not one like your grandfather, his agape."

Mila: "And not like Yakov and Lilia either. They're coaches, not parents. But you are still living there so. Viktor..."

Yuuri again "Vitya, yes, and letting him know about a daughter when he thought a son..."

"Oh quiet piggy!" Yuri smirked. "You're hardly clear on the score of babying me!"

Then sudden quiet, as they saw Viktor coming towards the group from the other end of the hall.

~~~

"Is this an intervention? What have I done this time?" Viktor was grinning but clearly somewhat taken aback by the others all having sat down around him.

After more time passing with no-one speaking, "Well? Should I leave? Then you can get back to talking like I saw you before."

Yuri looked up. "Viktor, There is something I need to tell you. Maybe should have before now. But you don't make this easy!"

~~~

"But why change competitions? I skated as both genders, Yuuri's done the same, and you've been training with more feminine stylings..."

"Viktor it's not the same!" Yuuri shocked everyone by how loud he said that. Including himself. Quieter, "Just because I style my skating, doesn't mean I'm not comfortable as a man. Doesn't mean I don't use men's change rooms, want to see my name recognised as male."

"But..."

Yuri cut in, on the verge of tears. "Oh shut it. You _suggested_ gender ambiguity. I don't want to be _ambiguous_. And you know I'll never be recognised as a woman if I keep skating in men's events."

"But you already have!"

"I know that! If I could go back I wouldn't have! But I didn't know who I was! I was so wrapped up in making my mark, I didn't spend any time thinking about who I even am!" Crying openly. Mila came in and hugged her, as sobs came out. Yakov stormed off, Lilia trailed after after giving Viktor an awful look.

This time, Viktor was silent. Her words seemed to be finally sinking in.

"Then..." Viktor began softly, prompting Yuri to look back up, glaring at the older skater. "What's with taking time off? Why not just do it?"

"There are so many rules," Mila answered this time, still wrapped around Yuri. "Rules for how long you've lived 'as your gender'. Rules for what sorts of medical treatments. Rules written by people who have no idea what they mean to Yura, and others like her. How difficult they are. A year off, for us that's potentially career-ending. But she wants this."

Yuri then spoke. "Also," between deep breaths, "Russia is... it will take time for me to be safe. The authorities, I'm not... established enough, yet, to just do things suddenly. Not like you."

"What? What are you talking about?" Viktor didn't know whether to be offended.

Yuuri took his hand. "She means like us. Being together. Publicly. Here."

"... oh". Truth was, Viktor hadn't thought about any of that. He'd been living happily inside his bubble of ice skating companions, ignoring much of the outside world. The news that his love had been thinking about it, thinking about safety, was shocking in itself.

"Well." Viktor. "Okay."

"Okay?" Yuri asked, still nervous.

"Okay." Then, "do you want me to find Yakov? Maybe there are people I can speak with, alongside him, try to get things moving faster. At least in skating. I can't do much about the other..." he trailed off.

"That... would be good. Thanks."

"I'll do that. And Yuri?"

"Yeah?"

"This'll... take a bit of time. For me. I think? Maybe? Yuuri will be with me though, help me get used to this. Um."

"Okay"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos has been appreciated, any comments also welcome :-)

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time getting a fic written up instead of just being in my head. And getting it online after that! 
> 
> It was very difficult to write without pronouns for the early part of this, to avoid both spoilering and confusion.
> 
> Am somewhat surprised by how Lilia is just not mentioned in many fics, I thouht her a great character, and wanted to expand on her.
> 
> Maybe there will be a sequel/another chapter? Not sure I want to write up a whole lot of coming-out stories.


End file.
